Funny Qoutes About Being Drunk Stoned and Having Sex

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Drunkenness Quotes

Quotes tagged as "drunkenness" Showing 1-30 of 130

"A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly."
― Winston Churchill

"Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction."
― Bob Marley

"Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?"
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

"I'm not drunk, just a little stoned."
― Gerard Way

"My lips got lost on the way to the kiss -
that's how drunk I
was."
― Rumi

"One more drink and I'll be under the host."
― Mae West

"Wine and women make wise men dote and forsake God's law and do wrong."

However, the fault is not in the wine, and often not in the woman. The fault is in the one who misuses the wine or the woman or other of God's crations. Even if you get drunk on the wine and through this greed you lapse into lechery, the wine is not to blame but you are, in being unable or unwilling to discipline yourself. And even if you look at a woman and become caught up in her beauty and assent to sin [= adultery; extramarital sex], the woman is not to blame nor is the beauty given her by God to be disparaged: rather, you are to blame for not keeping your heart more clear of wicked thoughts. ... If you feel yourself tempted by the sight of a woman, control your gaze better ... You are free to leave her. Nothing constrains you to commit lechery but your own lecherous heart."
― Anonymous, Dives And Pauper

"It was vertigo. A heady, insuperable longing to fall. We might also call vertigo the intoxication of the weak. Aware of his weakness, a man decides to give in rather than stand up to it. He is drunk with weakness, wishes to grow even weaker, wishes to fall down in the middle of the main square in front of everybody, wishes to be down, lower than down." -Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, p. 76"
― Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

"Drunken men give some of the best pep talks."
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

"Intoxicated? The word did not express it by a mile. He was oiled, boiled, fried, plastered, whiffled, sozzled, and blotto."
― P.G. Wodehouse, Meet Mr. Mulliner

"The weather had freshened almost to coldness, for the wind was coming more easterly, from the chilly currents between Tristan and the Cape; the sloth was amazed by the change; it shunned the deck and spent its time below. Jack was in his cabin, pricking the chart with less satisfaction than he could have wished: progress, slow, serious trouble with the mainmast-- unaccountable headwinds by night-- and sipping a glass of grog; Stephen was in the mizentop, teaching Bonden to write and scanning the sea for his first albatross. The sloth sneezed, and looking up, Jack caught its gaze fixed upon him; its inverted face had an expression of anxiety and concern. 'Try a piece of this, old cock,' he said, dipping his cake in the grog and proffering the sop. 'It might put a little heart into you.' The sloth sighed, closed its eyes, but gently absorbed the piece, and sighed again.

Some minutes later he felt a touch upon his knee: the sloth had silently climbed down and it was standing there, its beady eyes looking up into his face, bright with expectation. More cake, more grog: growing confidence and esteem. After this, as soon as the drum had beat the retreat, the sloth would meet him, hurrying toward the door on its uneven legs: it was given its own bowl, and it would grip it with its claws, lowering its round face into it and pursing its lips to drink (its tongue was too short to lap). Sometimes it went to sleep in this position, bowed over the emptiness.

'In this bucket,' said Stephen, walking into the cabin, 'in this small half-bucket, now, I have the population of Dublin, London, and Paris combined: these animalculae-- what is the matter with the sloth?' It was curled on Jack's knee, breathing heavily: its bowl and Jack's glass stood empty on the table. Stephen picked it up, peered into its affable bleary face, shook it, and hung it upon its rope. It seized hold with one fore and one hind foot, letting the others dangle limp, and went to sleep.

Stephen looked sharply round, saw the decanter, smelt to the sloth, and cried, 'Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
― Patrick O'Brian, H.M.S. Surprise

"No, Lord Maccon was riproaring, tumble down, without a doubt, pickled beyond the gherkin."
― Gail Carriger, Blameless

"My mind may be sober, but my confidence is high!"
― Habeeb Akande

"There are hours for rest, and hours for wakefulness; nights for sobriety and nights for drunkenness—(if only so that possession of the former allows us to discern the latter when we have it; for sad as it is, no human body can be happily drunk all the time)."
― Roman Payne, Rooftop Soliloquy

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
― Dean Martin

"You were just supposed to be a one night stand but you poked my eye, and kissed me sweet and listened to my car. Now, I kinda wanna keep you."
― Lola Stark, Tattered Love

"It was like a Russian party, Arkady thought. People got drunk, recklessly confessed their love, spilled their festering dislike, had hysterics, marched out, were dragged back in and revived with brandy. It wasn't a French salon."
― Martin Cruz Smith

"Could man be drunk for ever
      With liquor, love, or fights,
Lief should I rouse at morning
      And lief lie down of nights.

But men at whiles are sober
      And think by fits and starts,
And if they think, they fasten
      Their hands upon their hearts."
― A.E. Housman, The Collected Poems

"Mr Cobb was my escort. Such a nice escort, Mr Cobb. So attentive. You should see him sober. I should see him sober. Somebody should see him sober. I mean, just for the record. So it could become a part of history, that brief flashing moment, soon buried in time, but never forgotten - when Larry Cobb was sober."
― Raymond Chandler, The Big Sleep

"If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a solid gold toilet it stole from Zeus's guest room."
― Richard Kadrey, Kill the Dead

"I had taken two finger-bowls of champagne, and the scene had changed before my eyes into something significant, elemental, and profound."
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

"Whiskey claims to itself alone the exclusive office of sot-making."
― Thomas Jefferson

"Vermouth always makes me brilliant unless it makes me idiotic."
― E.F. Benson

"Against inebriation – and for drunkenness! Burn down the liquor stores, and replace them with playgrounds!"
― Crimethinc, Anarchy and Alcohol

"I am tough for a reason and it is to fucking destroy the music. I dance hard."
― Hannah Moskowitz, Gone, Gone, Gone

"Meanwhile the wineglasses had flushed yellow and flushed crimson; had been emptied; had been filled. And thus by degrees was lit, halfway down the spine, which is the seat of the soul, not that hard little electric light which we call brilliance, as it pops in and out upon our lips, but the more profound, subtle and subterranean glow, which is the rich yellow flame of rational intercourse. No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself. We are all going to heaven and Vandyck is of the company--in other words, how good life seemed, how sweet its rewards, how trivial this grudge or that grievance, how admirable friendship and the society of one's kind, as, lighting a good cigarette, one sunk among the cushions in the window-seat."
― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own

"At the departure gate, a drunken airport security woman was handing out box cutters to the passengers."
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

"But the statue attracted a middle-aged, brown-haired, overweight White guy. Clearly drunk, he climbed onto the tiny stage and started fondling Buddha before his laughing audience of drunk friends at a nearby table. I had learned a long time ago to tune out the antics of drunk White people doing things that could get a Black person arrested. Harmless White fun is Black lawlessness."
― Ibram X. Kendi, How to Be an Antiracist

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Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/drunkenness

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